People Try Not To Fret Over Their "Am I The Jerk?" Situations

“So for starters, I (25) have never really gotten along with my fiancé’s (25) brother’s (23) wife (23). When I first met her we were nice to each other but we didn’t have anything really in common. We were cordial though until about a year in when we had an incident where she ended up kicking my fiancé and me out of a room at an Airbnb because she felt as though she deserved the room more.

It was also my 21st birthday so that made it sting a little more.

Since then we’ve never really gotten along. I’ve always been cordial but I had no interest in really being close to her because she always seemed to start drama with everyone.

She’s one of those girls who will start talking badly about someone so you start to talk about the same person just for her to turn around and run to the person and tell them everything you said. I realized this after probably the 3rd fight she started in the friend group.

So I’ve kept my distance.

Where this gets tricky is my fiancé constantly wants me to try to better our relationship and I have tried but every time I get burned. I’ve thrown her a baby shower, did her entire gender reveal, and many more things to try but somehow always end up as the bad guy.

I drew the line in the sand at the beginning of this year when she unfollowed me on multiple social media platforms and when she was confronted I was in my eyes gaslit and told it was an accident when she was purging her accounts.

The idea of even asking her to be a bridesmaid only got brought up after she found out I asked a few people and she called my fiancé crying about how she thought we were closer than this and how it’s not fair I don’t ask her to be one.

I refused because I know if I do it will make my day stressful and that’s not something I want. I compromised and said I would invite her to the bachelorette party but I’m being told I should be the one to give an olive branch… so am I the jerk for not wanting to?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ: your fiancé needs to understand the problems in the relationship between you guys and not push for you to keep trying. You shouldn’t be forced to make her a bridesmaid. She sounds incredibly entitled. I am worried your fiancé isn’t showing you the respect you deserve, too, though.

Your fiancé should understand and support you in this, not continue to push you to do things you don’t want/don’t make you comfortable. I hope your marriage goes better than what’s happening so far. I wouldn’t be able to marry someone who did that.” HisBaeBee

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You know she will make the whole process and event a stressful drama-filled nightmare for you. She has shown you who she is and you’re smart enough to have taken note and adjusted accordingly. Tell your fiancé absolutely not and remind him that you have extended multiple olive branches already and she has torched every single one of them.

Tell him this is your final answer, you expect it to be accepted as such and do not want to hear another word about it from anyone.” Outrageous-Ad-9635

Another User Comments:

“NTJ but OP I know you love your fiancé but if he can’t stand up for you then he’s not worth having.

He wants you to continuously grin and bear it so he doesn’t have to be uncomfortable, what about you? In the future, I’m sure much larger issues will come up. If he’s going to take anyone’s side over yours, when you aren’t in the wrong, then he’s not ready to be an actual partner.

He’s willingly sacrificing you and your feelings so he can avoid confrontation. My man would fight his own mother for me and yours won’t even tell his SIL that her behavior is inappropriate, and has gone so far as to ask you to put her in YOUR WEDDING PARTY ensuring that you’ll look back on all those special events and moments with nothing but regret and disdain.

You love him but you have blinders on. This isn’t a small issue, this is an issue that will fester and cause larger issues down the line. SIL is married into his family, which means you will have to keep seeing her. Even if you grow a spine, you’ll be fighting every single battle on your own because your husband isn’t willing to sacrifice his relationship with his brother….but worsening your relationship is absolutely fine.

I don’t need a response and you can ignore me but I hope you take into consideration what I said. I’ve seen too many marriages fail because they feel this can be fixed or overlooked, it can’t, it doesn’t get better, it gets worse so much worse, especially over time.” EJ_1004

“My friend was going to rent a storage unit and since I knew funds were tight I offered to store her things at my place for a fraction of the cost. Well, the first month went by with no issues, and then came “is it okay if I pay you next week”.

That was fine til the week turned to 2 and 3, and then nothing for months. And when I’d call to say hey and catch up she’d avoid my calls or tell me she was at work and I could come by but when I’d get there she’d not be there.

Well today she sent me nice texts detailing how happy she was she finally got her place and that she wanted to come by and get her things, and went on to tell me her taxes still ain’t filed and that I need to know that “she’s got me” once she gets the funds.

I told her I was sorry but until she paid me she couldn’t get her things. Keep in mind she’s got a history of lying to me and blatantly wasting my time as I drove around looking for her where she told me she was.

Am I the jerk here cause her reaction to me saying no has made me feel real low.”

Another User Comments:

“Kind of a jerk. I have a hard and fast rule: I don’t do loans and I don’t do “pay-me-back” favors for this very reason.

People who are this desperate don’t need to transfer their desperation or debt from one party to the next. My rule is “if I have it to loan, I have it to give, everything else is just me being irresponsible”. She was likely avoiding you out of shame and/or guilt and that is likely the source of the lying as well.

That’s not a pass on her part, but hopefully some food for thought. Give her all of her stuff and cut your losses (speaking of which, what did you REALLY lose)? Whether she’s right or wrong, she’s clearly in a low place and it’s not right to kick people when they’re down.” StayRadWithDad

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I had a friend in high school who owed me funds and flat out started ignoring me when I would ask about it. He had left a car charger/radio thing in my car a couple of weeks before. He hit me up to get it back and I said nah I need you to pay me back first. He had his MOM talk to me acting like it was hers so he could get it back.

Told the same thing to his mom as I told him; Pay me and you’ll get it back. Well, I never got paid and they never got their charger back. Tit for tat.” e38er

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here. Has it really cost you anything to store her stuff?

You knew she was in a tough spot and took the opportunity to make funds out of the situation when it’s usually the kind of thing you do for free to help a friend. She agreed to it and hasn’t been honest with you so she’s in the wrong too.

Why are you holding her stuff hostage? It’s not costing you anything so why don’t you just cut your losses and move on? You seem like the kind of person who’s going to charge her extra for the extra days she’s stored your stuff because she can’t pay you to release it! ” Secret_Owl3040

“I 31F was visiting an old friend from high school.

She has two kids, 3F and 7F. The 7-year-old is at that age where she’s questioning everything all the time. Totally fine, I am here for indulging childhood curiosity!

Now admittedly I am not very close anymore with this friend or her kids, we have been reconnecting this year after not talking much since high school (nothing dramatic, just drifted apart with college and separate lives).

I’ve seen her kids maybe twice before this (all within the past month or two). I’ve seen my friend without the kids more frequently.

Her daughter was chatting with me and asking a dozen questions, she asked where Mr. M was (my husband) and I said he was at home.

She asked if we had any kids (I know she knows we don’t but maybe 7yo logic made her wonder if we had some secret kid stashed somewhere idk) and then asked if we were going to have one soon.

I don’t think answering those questions honestly is wrong so I said “haha nah we are not planning on having our own kids, but I’ve got you and (sister)!

You’re enough for me!”

She seemed fine with that answer and launched into her next line of questioning, like what I like about her and my opinion of her XYZ items and I thought nothing was wrong.

Later my friend told me that was an inappropriate answer and I don’t know her daughter well enough to say something like that.

She didn’t say it very hostilely or anything but it felt like she thought I was being entitled to her daughter or something?

In my head, I was just responding to the question in a kid-friendly way. But was I the jerk for saying it that way?”

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here. The statement is simple but can be taken in many ways. I initially read it as “nope you guys are more than enough for me to handle” even though that almost definitely doesn’t seem like what you meant. It’s just a statement so simple it can read numerous ways depending on who hears it.

The fact that you aren’t as close to the parents anymore also may play a role. Explain your intentions and clear the air. Not much more you can do and refrain from making similar statements in the future.” Flameknightinferno

Another User Comments:

“I think the issue is that “I’ve got you,” sounded to your friend like you’re assuming a more familiar role than you should.

I don’t think this has anything to do with your talking about being child-free. You’re not a parent or even an aunt or a babysitter. You’re a friend who reappeared after decades and has met the child a couple of times. Maybe it just grated on her that you were presuming more familiarity than she feels.

Maybe she has a true safety concern about her daughter being too comfortable with near strangers. No jerks here. You didn’t mean anything by it and she has a right to speak up about a boundary. If you want to maintain the friendship, talk to her and try to understand where she’s coming from.” Mirror_Initial

“I’m a 17-year-old girl with a 9-year-old autistic sister.  My mum asked me to look after my sister while she went out for a meal with friends on Saturday. She doesn’t do this often since she was in a toxic relationship for 11 years, so I agreed to help (despite knowing my sister’s bedtime anxiety).

My mum (53) was supposed to return around 11 or 12 at night, but she didn’t. My sister can’t sleep without her, so I tried calling and texting my mum but got no response. By 1 am, I was worried and reached out to one of my older sisters and 2 aunties for info on who my mum went out with.

No one responded (unsurprisingly) and by 2 am I was extremely worried. My little sister finally went to sleep but I didn’t feel comfortable sleeping without my mum being safely home.

I continued trying to reach my mum until 4 am, at which point I decided to lock the door and leave a key, texting her all the info.

I woke up at 7 am to find my mum still hadn’t returned. I waited for a reply and she called around 9 am, explaining she went clubbing and fell asleep at her shop since she’d had too much to drink.

Once home, she complained about me involving others and threatened to stop going out.

Saying, and I quote, “right well I’ll just never go out again then if this is what’s going to happen”, and telling me that I had made her feel guilty for having fun. She told me that I’m 17 and could’ve handled it myself and that I didn’t need to text others, making them unnecessarily worried. I didn’t think it was wrong to text family to make sure she was okay?

I didn’t care that she’d gone out clubbing, I was annoyed at her lack of communication. I was worried all night waiting for a response and felt so uncomfortable sleeping without knowing where she was. And I know that if it was the other way around, she’d have a problem.

She’s cared for 8 children, she knows how to parent and all of her children have done well for themselves, but I feel like she’s starting to care less as she’s gotten older.

I made a sarcastic comment about how I won’t bother next time and if she’s dead then “oopsie”.

I know it was wrong of me to say but I was genuinely concerned for her safety and her having a go annoyed me.

Her excuse for not communicating was that she was having fun and that when you’re out and drinking you don’t really look at your phone.

She said I should’ve assumed this. (I literally had no clue that she was going out to a club)

Also, I feel like I should state that I have Tourette’s syndrome, and being in stressful situations can make me tic more. I felt uncomfortable looking after my little sister without knowing where my mum was because it was unsafe.

If I’m stressed and have a tic attack, my little sister could easily hurt herself or me without anyone else there to look out for her.

Did I make the wrong choice by texting others? I feel stupid honestly.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“I’m sorry, it’s probably a good thing if your mom were to “just never go out again” if she is going to behave as irresponsibly as this.

Even the most wasted people can text. She could have given you a heads up and you wouldn’t have been so understandably worried. Your autistic sister still probably wouldn’t have been happy, but at least you would have known your mom was safe and not in a ditch or something.

NTJ.” PPPillowPrincess

Another User Comments:

“Ntj. Just because you could handle an emergency doesn’t mean she should create one. You weren’t psychic. You were worried. She created a situation where you were reasonably worried. Drinking might be her reason but isn’t an excuse.

She is responsible for the care of you both. Were you supposed to think, oh, maybe she got hit by a car so I guess I’ll go to bed now? All you learned was her word means nothing and you can’t trust her to return when she says or communicate if plans change (for a good reason).

If she needs a night out, she needs to plan for a whole night out or a weekend away but just disappearing was irresponsible, blaming you for having a mature response makes her look even more unable to own her own decisions and accept the natural consequences.

You are almost an adult. You might want to read Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Adults. Her comments to you suggest she doesn’t have the healthiest ways of communicating.” Antelope_31

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. And your mom is right. “I’ll just never go out again then if this is what’s going to happen.” The this being: “she went clubbing and fell asleep at her shop since she’d had too much to drink.” If she can’t handle her responsibilities of being a parent and communicating with her own kids/ babysitter, she shouldn’t go out.

If she had hired a babysitter for the night, she would have had police involved. Missing person/child abandonment etc. She is lucky you reached out to family and not the police when she still wasn’t home in the morning.” Lucys243

“We’re both men. My family was not happy when I came out but they’ve mostly stopped voicing their opinions openly.

I know they still talk about it in private but at least they don’t say anything to our faces. It took some time for them to warm up to my partner but now they actively include him in conversations and my 87-year-old grandma called him a “very lovely young man” while pinching his cheek which is a very high form of approval from her.

The one thing they still don’t like us to do in front of them is when we act like a couple. They actually try to keep us separate most of the time to not give us the chance to do something as scandalous as holding hands or kissing.

This afternoon we were invited to one of my cousin’s birthday. At some point, my partner and I were alone in the kitchen and I, thinking he looked very cute and kissable at that very moment, committed the ultimate sin. I called him something along the lines of “my pretty doll” and gave him a quick kiss.

Of course one of my cousins had to enter the kitchen at that exact moment and (because she is a 5-year-old who probably didn’t know that we’re a couple and has never seen us be affectionate) ran off to excitedly tell the other kids what she saw, which was met with the typical childish reactions of disgust mixed with curiosity.

My favorite was actually my nephew asking me if that means that my partner is my wife now.

The adults didn’t find that as funny though and I had to listen to my mother berate me for almost 30 minutes.

When she finally let me go, my partner asked if we could leave.

I told him we’d stay for dinner and leave immediately after. Now comes the part where I might be (and probably am) the jerk.

I made a point of holding my partner’s hand while we walked back to the table and asked one of my nieces if she’d switch seats so my partner and I could sit next to each other.

During dinner, I kept asking my partner to hand me things on the table while addressing him by nicknames and giving him a peck on the cheek here and there.

To say the mood was awkward would be an understatement. The adults just mostly ignored us and just glared at us every few seconds while the younger kids kept giggling every time I called my partner “darling” or “sweetheart”.

My partner was uncomfortable and barely looked up from his plate.

We left immediately after dinner was finished. My partner was very quiet on our way home and when we got home he broke down crying. I comforted him as best as I could but I know it’s my fault that he’s upset as well.

Later that evening, my mother also sent me a long message telling me that “our behavior” was immature and inappropriate and that, until we’d stop forcing our choices on everyone, we wouldn’t be welcome at another family gathering.”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ, and to be honest my reasoning for that isn’t because of you rubbing your relationship in your family’s face, I feel like that’s petty although maybe understandable.

It’s because of what you put your partner through. In trying to make a point to your family you made him so uncomfortable and upset that he was driven to tears. That is absolutely no way to treat someone you’re meant to care about, you should’ve left before dinner when he asked or at least checked in with your partner to see if he was comfortable with your plan and absolutely stopped the minute you noticed his discomfort.

I hope you’ve started apologizing profusely to him, he probably feels like a jerk for being used as a pawn in a game against your family.” lowri92

Another User Comments:

“YTJ specifically for putting your partner through your protest of your family’s attitude. This isn’t his fault and he’s the most vulnerable one there as an outsider to the family.

I don’t think I’d call you a jerk for how you responded to your family. I don’t blame you for wanting to stand up to them. They shouldn’t have put you in a position where simply existing in your relationship was taboo. Problem is, you added fuel to the fire by performing your relationship in front of them in that extra emphatic way.

At the end of the day, it doesn’t sound like it helped you gain acceptance but rather made it worse for your partner. It’s awful you are stuck in such a homophobic situation. You were doing nothing wrong when you got “caught” by the child.

It’s hard to accept you can’t control bad attitudes, but if I were you, I’d prioritize what keeps your relationship and your partner in a good place. It sounds like he needed emotional support and safety, not an escalation of conflict. I hope you can make it right with him.” tabatam

Another User Comments:

“Everyone’s a jerk here. Your family are acting like fools, and are bigoted jerks. But you…. tormenting someone you profess to love and making them sit through that is so much worse. You knew your family was borderline bigots, and barely tolerating you and your partner, and still subjected him to such a distressing situation and then made it worse.

You owe your partner a huge apology, and a sincere promise never to put him through anything like that again. As for your jerk relatives, tell them to take their nonsense, fold it until it’s all sharp corners, and insert it into the orifice of their choice.” savinathewhite

“I (25M) have been seeing “Claire” (25F) for 7 months. It’s become something of a tradition where every few weeks we’ll eat inside the McDonald’s near our house. Today was one of those days but this time it was weird.

I was driving and the restaurant was near a shopping outlet that was pretty busy so I let Claire out so she could order inside while I parked. After I did so I noticed her walking back towards me and when I asked what was going on, she said “It’s closed.” Which…..it wasn’t.

You could clearly see people eating inside and when she said that I saw someone walk right in. I said “what? No it’s not,” and we walked in but I noticed she was being pretty quiet around this time.

After we sat down and ate I asked why she said that, asked if she didn’t actually want to eat here or something, and she just said “The door was locked.” Which I know could not be true because the door could not have been locked for all of the minute in between her trying to open the door and when we got in people were coming through the same door all the while.

She then got really defensive and accused me of thinking she was too weak to open a door by herself or that she was stupid. I said no and apologized and she said “Good, now shut up and eat!” The rest of the meal was awkward and she asked me to take her home rather than the store like we planned because she felt disrespected. I did and once again apologized but explained that I truly don’t understand the whole closed issue and she called me a jerk for not letting it go.

This is obviously kind of silly all around but I’m curious if I’m missing something here.”

​Another User Comments:

“NTJ. First thought that came to mind is she saw someone she knew (like an ex or someone she didn’t like from high school) and didn’t wanna be around but felt too awkward to bring it up.

Seems weird, though.” consolelog_a11y

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. When someone tells an obvious lie, it’s quite reasonable to question them. What she obviously meant to say was, “I don’t feel like McDonald’s.” Or “I didn’t want to be seen in there with you.” Or “I was uncomfortable being near my ex.” But what came out was a lie.

That’s honestly a very bad sign. Both about her willingness to lie, but also about the fact that she chose such a stupid lie.” SushiGuacDNA

Another User Comments:

“At this point, the problem isn’t WHY she said what she did. It’s the fact that she LIED to you.

A very, very obvious lie. If she’s willing to lie that bluntly about something that obvious, what is she lying to you about that you haven’t discovered yet? Then to top it off, because she couldn’t handle being caught in this blatant lie, she accuses you of disrespect and makes you apologize repeatedly when you have done absolutely nothing wrong.

You deserve answers as to why she treated YOU with such blatant disrespect. You’re definitely not a jerk but you do need to seriously reconsider if this is someone you want to continue spending your time and effort with.” ZoraTheDucky

“My niece ”Jeanne” stays with me after school once a week when both her parents work late. In December, I planned a DIY so we could make our own Christmas tree ornaments.

She loved it. The ornaments she painted were full of glitter, flashy colors that didn’t match, and everything you can expect from a 7-year-old. She looked very proud of herself. I kept one of them at my place and suggested that she hang the other one at her house.

Later, Jeanne came to me half in tears saying her ornament had disappeared from their tree and her parents didn’t know where it had gone. Right away, I guessed that her mother had probably removed it.

About my SIL: she has a huge passion for interior design.

She decorates every room in her house with care and even has an Instagram about it. She’s very talented but can be a little… well, picky when it comes to deciding what fits and doesn’t fit in her interior (she once gave me back a household appliance I gave her because it wasn’t the right color, for example).

So I told my niece to not worry about it, that her ornament would probably reappear somehow.

I then called my SIL telling her that I knew she had removed it, and offered her to send it back to my place if it clashed too much with the rest, or to hang it outside by Jeanne’s window.

We could still make up a story about Santa needing to see it or whatnot. She told me she already threw it away.

The following week, Jeanne asked me again about the ornament. I hadn’t any story planned so I ended up saying ”Your mom threw it away, it didn’t fit with her Instagram”.

Of course, my brother later called me angrily to tell me I was really stupid for telling her that. Apparently, Jeanne stayed angry at her mom for a while. She even started mocking her design passion.

It’s been months, and she seems to have forgotten about it since.

But not her mother because she reminded me the other day about the ”low blow” I did to them last Christmas.

So I’m asking… AITJ for not lying?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. It takes a pretty big grinch to throw out their own child’s artwork, whether it fits the “design aesthetic” or not.

If your SIL didn’t want to hang it on her perfect tree, she could have bought a tabletop tree for your niece’s bedroom and let her hang it in there. Keep being honest with your niece and show her all the kindness you can. The fact that your SIL had no problem lying to her own child and getting mad at you for being honest, shows everything about her character, or lack thereof.

As for your brother’s anger, maybe he needs to talk to his wife about her cruelty.” New-Comment2668

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. The mom is getting to the stage where what her followers think is more important than her daughter’s feelings. Screw that. You told the truth.

Yeah, it was a bit harsh to Jeanne, but sometimes your kid rightfully hating you for a while is the best way for you to start changing your behavior. I had seen too many kids getting screwed over by their parents’ obsession of looking “perfect” on social media.” Ptitecame

Another User Comments:

“I have a box of decorations my now 9-year-old son has made over the years. And they’re awful. I cannot express how awful they are. One of them is just a foam car with a ribbon attached. Not even a nice car.

We have a festive Volvo hanging on our tree every year. Our star is made from ice lolly sticks. Of the 6 sticks used, 5 are bare and one has been painted with every pot of paint his nursery owned. There’s also the paper Rudolph with no head (not because it got damaged, it was a deliberate design choice).

This year he has already told me he is going to make a skibbidy toilet ornament. I cannot wait. But his decorations will take pride of place on my tree every year. If I am lucky enough to still be around when my son is 59, they will still be on my tree.

Because even though they are utterly terrible, my baby made them for me and I will cherish them and proudly display them because his sense of worth and pride is worth more to me than a picture-perfect tree. NTJ, tell your SIL to get some therapy and make 100 more gaudy, silly, awful projects with your niece.

She will love you even more for it.” BaymaxIsMyPatronus

“My brother (19) has very “feminine” features. He often gets mistaken for a very tall and skinny girl. Maybe I’m just used to him or something but I think it’s pretty obvious he’s a guy but I seem to be in the minority.

My brother hates it but he’s learned to not let the assumptions bother him. He at least tries.

So our dad’s one of those super macho tough guys. Thankfully, he doesn’t give a crap about how my brother looks. He’s actually pretty chill about stuff.

His friends suck though. I don’t blame him for staying their friend because literally every man his age is like that around here.

They’ve never said anything about my brother and usually treat him like “one of the guys” just like our other brother.

But a couple of days ago I dropped by my brother’s workplace and since it was a slow day, he and I were just sitting at a table talking.

A customer walked in and yelled, “hey ladies.” We noticed it was one of Dad’s friends “Mike” who said that on purpose.

He was literally smiling super wide and looked very proud of himself. My brother just went “not a lady” and proceeded to help him but Mike was being weird and was like “You sure? Real men don’t paint their nails or pierce their ears… they have some muscle on them too.

Right now you just look like an (offensive slur.)”

My brother sarcastically asked him if he was done which seemed to trigger Mike and he was all “you’re actually a girl.” It was so weird so I cut in and said “and you’re like 50 picking on a teenager.

No wonder Mary (his ex-wife) left, clearly you weren’t man enough for her. Quit worrying about other people’s masculinity.” It wasn’t word for word and he kept interrupting me but that was what I said. I only know this because my mom’s a huge gossip and she made me swear not to tell anyone.

He got really angry. Like red in the face. He told me that I have no idea what I’m talking about and that I just don’t understand male humor and to stop sticking my nose where it doesn’t belong. The weird thing is, my brother told me I shouldn’t have said anything about his wife because apparently, it’s a sore topic.

Idk how HE knows but whatever. My brother’s not mad at me or anything but told me that Mike’s right and it’s just how guys joke around. So AITJ? My brother made me swear not to tell anyone so I’m asking here.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You witnessed bullying and decided to address the bully. It’s not even any of your brother’s business what you say to someone you’ve witnessed being a jerk. The man was insulting someone in public. You were standing in that public. Mike is a baby and a bigot, and your opinions AND reactions to that kind of stuff are your own and nobody else’s.

That said, watch out. Mike also sounds dangerous and is clearly sexist. I would advise you to drop it for SAFETY reasons, not because you did anything morally wrong.” Still-Measurement-90

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, but I suspect that the reason your brother said you shouldn’t have said anything is because he thinks it will make life harder for him.

He may be privately struggling with his sexuality and the way people react to him around that, and just shrugging it off as ‘man talk’ etc is quite common. Personally though, I think the way you handled it was amazing, he’s lucky to have such a supportive sister.” Doris1924

Another User Comments:

“NTJ and that’s not how guys joke. That’s someone being a bully and calling your brother a homophobic slur. I’m willing to bet he wouldn’t have called your brother names in front of your dad. If I’m wrong then part of the problem would be on your dad not standing up for his kid.

If I’m right then this guy knows darn well what he’s doing is wrong and not a joke and he only chose to do it while he thought he could intimidate you guys and basically have your brother be a captive audience since your brother was working and probably wouldn’t be able to defend himself without getting in trouble.

Let your dad know his friend is going into your brother’s work to harass him and call him slurs. Your brother probably doesn’t want to rock the boat because he knows guys like this will escalate and explode when challenged so he doesn’t feel it’s worth pushing it.

That said your dad should be the one protecting his kid and handling his “friend.”” Silaquix

“I (27, M) have an estranged sister who was disowned by my family when I was pretty young.

(when I was 9) She was about 10 years older than me. While in college she got into substances and dropped out of school. My mom (my dad died young) tried to get her clean (according to my mom) but she wouldn’t stop and went back to doing illegal work to fund her bad habits and got arrested. At that point, my mom told her she was not welcome in the family anymore and that was the last time I saw her.

Two years ago my mom passed away and in her will she explicitly disinherited my sister (For those not from the US, that is something you can do here. So we aren’t breaking the law), and I got everything. Fast forward to this week. I got a call from her (I guess she only just found out or something).

She said back then she messed up cause she got hooked on substances at a party and couldn’t get off it anymore. She said she ended up having to “see” her dealer and her dealer made her do illegal stuff. (I have no idea if this is true) Our mom supposedly didn’t really help her when she asked her for help and just took her to church repeatedly hoping she could pray the addiction away.

Apparently, she is clean now and she wanted me to share some of my inheritance with her because she still isn’t doing well right now and some funds can help her stabilize her life and not risk homelessness.

I said no and justified it by saying I honestly don’t know her.

For the majority of my life, I only ever thought of her when someone asked me if I had any siblings, at which point I’d usually lie and say no. I don’t have a relationship with her so I don’t see why I should share my money with her.

True, that money would have been hers if she didn’t get disowned, but it is mine now and I am effectively being asked to share my money with a pseudo-stranger. I guess I do feel a little guilty based on what she told me but ultimately I don’t think I owe her anything.

I am on track to retire in my early 30s but if I share my inheritance with her I’d have to work a couple more years which I’d rather not do.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here. Was going to say NTJ until church came up.

You CANNOT just pray addiction away. It’s far more complex than that. She definitely has some responsibility herself, as she chose to try substances and got hooked, but that could easily be born out of an overly oppressive household, and US Christian households seem to get given that label a bit.

To be honest, based on the information given, it does sound like your mother did fail her a bit, which isn’t on her (but again, she’s not entirely innocent). I’d perhaps offer to assist her in some way that cannot be used to buy substances (ie.

don’t give her money). If you can afford it, perhaps buy an apartment (if that’s within budget, can’t tell from your post), and then rent it out to her at a ‘slightly-cheaper-than-market-rate’. That way your assets are still your own, the apartment will only increase in value over time, so it will benefit you in the long run, and she still gets to be a bit better off than she is.” DaimonNinja

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here and assuming you can verify what she’s saying is true. If the inheritance is MASSIVE enough to allow you to retire in your 30s, then I would lean towards jerkish not to dole out some help ONLY IF she is verifiably clean and trying to put her life together.

It would make me happier to be a tiny fraction “poorer” and “work a couple more years” if it means my sibling gets her second chance at life. That substance addiction is a horrible snowball ride and I would only be glad she’s finally out, if true.

However, the help I would give (maybe buy a studio in my name and let her stay for free) would come with strict conditions like regular testing to ensure she is clean and working, for her sake and mine. Your help will not be because “you owe her” but because you find it important that your only sibling gets a second chance (provided she isn’t scamming you).

This would not be hard to suss out going by how much she will welcome or be hostile to your help’s conditions.” peregrine_throw

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here so far. I see nothing wrong with your sister asking, and I see nothing wrong with you saying no. The problem will come if your sister refuses to accept your answer, or if you are inconsiderate or mean toward your sister.

That said … I’m assessing this based on your bare minimum obligations. You are not obligated to share the inheritance with your sister. And quite frankly, if she’s not clean, you would not be doing her a favor by giving her money. But there are a lot of steps between outright giving her money and simply refusing.

And your primary concern here is not your sister’s health, but a very self-centered motivation: “I am on track to retire in my early 30s but if I share my inheritance with her I’d have to work a couple more years which I’d rather not do.” So I have to ask … have you considered setting up something that would help your sister, but would not enable her?

That is, help her find the tools to live her best life, rather than abet the life she is living? This is not required of you, and you are not the jerk if you refuse to do it. But you have an affirmative chance to better someone else’s life.

Have you considered using that opportunity?” EnderBurger

“After years of working and saving, I (27F) finally have enough to rent a 2-bedroom apartment in the city. After moving out of home, I had always lived with housemates but now I finally get to live by myself for the first time which I am really excited about.

I have a friend (27M) who I’ve known for years. I only moved in last week and he came over to hang out and see the place. He saw the empty spare bedroom and asked what I was going to do with it. I said I don’t know, maybe extra storage, guest bedroom, study room, who knows.

For context, my friend has been living in a share house for two years now and has been vocal about not liking it. Nothing truly bad, but he just doesn’t really know the other people he’s living with, it’s an older building with a lot of issues, and he just says he doesn’t like it.

Fast forward to a week later, and he comes to me and says, “hey, I’ve spoken to a few other friends and they’ve all said you’re being really selfish here.” I had no idea what he was talking about. He said that because I didn’t offer him my second bedroom to move into, I was being selfish and because I know about his current living situation, I should’ve offered because it would be of help to him.

Reasons why are that I am so excited to finally live on my own and have a place to myself. He and I were almost going to live together years ago but we had such a big fight over the littlest things that I vowed to never live with him ever but continue being his friend, of course.

Now, because of all this, his friends and some of our mutual ones are telling me I’m selfish for not giving him the bedroom, I’m torn.

He said he is willing to pay rent and half share on bills, but I just really want a place to myself.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. “Hey, I’ve spoken to a few other friends and they’ve all said you’re being really selfish here.” This is a hard pass. A disaster waiting to happen. The entitlement attitude is astounding. This guy will move in, pay rent for about two months, stop paying rent, give you a sob story, call you selfish for demanding the rent money, make your life miserable, and never leave, until you pay many thousands of dollars to evict him, and during that eviction process he’ll be living in your house destroying your stuff.

“Now, because of all this, his friends and some of our mutual ones are telling me I’m selfish for not giving him the bedroom, I’m torn.” Get new friends. There is nothing to be torn about here. If he knows he can bully you into letting him move in because you are weak, then he’ll also know he’ll be untouchable even if he is a nightmare tenant.” OrneryLitigator

Another User Comments:

“WHY ARE YOU TORN? You got your own place TO LIVE ALONE. You JUST moved in and your “friend” tells you hey my friends say you’re selfish cause you didn’t invite me to live here. I would have laughed in his face.

There is NO conflict here unless you let there be one. “I just really want a place to myself.” This is YOUR place. Make it your sanctuary. And honestly – rethink his “friendship”. He’s trying to manipulate and guilt you. Your answer should have been “If I wanted a roommate I would have gotten one.

Don’t bring this up again.” Control the situation. It’s done. Enjoy your new place! Almost forgot – NTJ.” glimmerseeker

Another User Comments:

“Hard NTJ. Y’all both are grown. It’s nobody’s responsibility to share what they pay for that isn’t their spouse or kids.

Tell him to get a job and his own place. I got my own place like 2 years ago…and I will NEVER have a roommate again. Trust me, nothing beats the freedom of being able to come and go as you please and not have to think about what anyone else is thinking about what you do.

Also, he’s a man and you’re a woman…that’s inviting a lot of trouble. Not implying he would try anything, but if you want to see other people it would definitely look very bad. It’s a terrible idea by any metric.” DarkDimmaDome

“I got married a few weeks ago and had 5 bridesmaids, 3 of them being close friends.

Most of our wedding party stayed at the venue with us, so they were with us the entire morning of the wedding. We hosted breakfast and communicated that everyone needed to be ready for photos by 1 pm.

11:30 am rolls around and my makeup artist is late and nobody has started steaming/ironing their clothes.

I start to stress out a bit while my maid of honor (MOH for short) and I arrange my room for the “getting ready” photos.

The wife of one of my husband’s groomsmen (let’s call her Emily) steps in and starts steaming my wedding dress and helping the groomsmen iron their suits.

30 minutes into this, I text my bridesmaid friends asking where they were and if they could possibly help Emily while my MOH and I try to track down the makeup artist. One of them came up and started helping out. I get no response from two of them for about an hour, and my MOH eventually sees them lounging by the pool.

Shortly after, one of those bridesmaids (let’s call her Sarah) rushes into my room as I finally sit down for hair and makeup to say she’s sorry she didn’t see my text and asks what I still needed help with. I just say it’s okay, things are being taken care of now, and not to worry.

She bursts into tears saying I never communicated what I needed help with. I have never gotten married before and had no idea so much needed to be done, and communicated what I needed as soon as I figured that out. She told me I can’t expect her to “read my mind” and ran out of the room crying.

My MOH, sister-in-law, and mother-in-law who was in the room at the time were shocked. The other bridesmaid simply came into the room, apologized for seeing the text late, and started helping, making sure I had food to eat/coffee, etc.

Now, I haven’t asked Sarah to do anything for my wedding up until that morning.

She even skipped out on my bachelorette party for a birthday party, which hurt my feelings a bit but I communicated that I was just bummed she couldn’t make it and moved on. Everyone in the room that day told me to ignore her outburst, but I felt bad that she was so upset, and didn’t want her to feel that way on my wedding day.

I found her after she cooled off a bit and I apologized if I made her feel overwhelmed, and that I would have communicated my expectations earlier if I knew what they were sooner. She said she prides herself on being helpful and I made her feel like she wasn’t.

This was the kicker because she disappeared after that and ended up not helping at all. I just said I was happy she was there with me regardless. She was in a bad mood for the rest of the evening, didn’t speak to me, and didn’t even congratulate my now husband and me, etc. during the event.

She left early the next morning, and I texted her thanking her for being there with us and that I was grateful for her company, etc. and she just told me to enjoy the rest of my week and we have not spoken since. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“You were the jerk to yourself. Why are you apologizing to a self-centered drama queen? She was lounging by the pool instead of being with you getting ready? You are far kinder, and more patient than me. I’d have kicked her out of the wedding party and the wedding without batting an eye!” Ok_Conversation9750

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. She never answered your ‘where are you and can you help Emily’ text….ok fine. We can all pretend she didn’t see it…..but to then come in frantically at the end and say what do you need and you say it’s all taken care of now she goes nuclear crying with she can’t read your mind?!?

Then is unpleasant during your wedding?!? No…what did you have to apologize FOR?!? She didn’t want to help…pure and simple. She got busted…probably saw the room side eyeing her so she goes all in. Forget her, she’s not a friend.” dart1126

Another User Comments:

“NTJ I feel like it’s pretty obvious/tradition to be with the bride in the morning to help her/bridal party to get ready. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that the morning of the wedding should be assisting the bride with what she needs and not out lounging by the pool.

She realized she dropped the ball so she’s trying to make you feel guilty by saying you didn’t communicate enough about what it is that you need. Instead of owning up to making a mistake, she’s putting the blame on you. I would definitely be upset if I was in your position.” Spooky_maid

“I (17F) was at the restaurant tonight with my family. The server arrived and my brother (14M) ordered a pizza, while I ordered 3 tacos with a side of fries. The food came and he saw that my plate looked way more appetizing than his. He stole one of my fries while I thanked the server and started laughing.

He then demanded I give him one of my 3 tacos. I refused because he was bothering me for the last hour. In the car, he blasted TikToks, and at the table, he kept on pestering me, even though I told him I just wanted to be left alone.

My parents then demanded I give him some food. I stood my ground because I was hungry and he never asked politely, just demanded.

When they all realized I wouldn’t budge, my mom went to the bathroom (visibly upset) and my dad told me he was disappointed in me.

When she came back, they both scolded me for being immature and not being the bigger person. My brother eventually realized too that I wouldn’t give in and he started insulting me. He stole another one of my fries. My parents started telling him to leave me alone (because they were done with both of us).

Anyway now I’m grounded. I feel like it’s not my responsibility to order for both of us. He didn’t even have the decency to ask, he just demanded. So AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Too bad your brother is disappointed with his pizza but that’s a him problem.

Your parents could have asked you to give him 3 fries which is reasonable (not after he stole though), but a whole taco? No, it’s your food and you deserve to enjoy it and be full.” Asciutta

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Joey doesn’t share food!!! Anyway, it is completely unfair of your parents to ground you for this.

I presume your brother was also free to order whatever he wanted? So he could also have ordered fries and tacos. This will teach him that pizza is not always the most delicious thing on the menu. And he could at least have suggested that he trade you for a taco with a slice of pizza.

I don’t know if that would have changed your mind, but at least it would show that he didn’t feel entitled to your food.” FragrantEconomist386

Another User Comments:

“Anytime someone tells you “to be the bigger person”, you are in the right and they are just trying to appease a jerk.

The next time that you are out with the family just order double. When your parents ask, tell them that you are ordering 2 meals so that your brother can have whatever you are having without you giving up some of your food. If your parents make a fuss over this, tell them that they should be the bigger people.

NTJ.” theoldman-1313

“I (28M) live with my friend from college (29M) and we bought a house with each other a few years ago.

We were great friends in college but over time he has become increasingly aggrieved, entitled, and rude. For example, my mom, who lives in another state, sends me a box of my favorite pastries once every few months. Roommate has a gluten allergy and can’t eat them, so mom sends gluten-free specialty doughnuts so he can have something too.

I think it’s a nice gesture, but my roommate says things like “Why does your mom always get us worthless presents, she should get us something we can actually use for once like a food processor”. I would tell Mom to not get him anything but I don’t want her to know what he says about her and her gifts for us.

The most recent pastry drop came but this time I just ate the gluten-free doughnuts myself instead of giving them to an ungrateful recipient who thinks they’re “worthless and stupid”. Well, the next day roommate sees the container in the trash and goes ballistic on me for eating “his” present and taking what’s “his”.

I feel like since these are presents for me from my own mother they’re mine, and while she was kind enough to think of him and get him something as well, he has shown utter contempt and disrespect for her and so now I feel like he deserves nothing.

I feel like if he’s going to disrespect my mom, he can’t expect to be entitled to her generosity. What should I do and AITJ for thinking this way?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, but you need to make it very clear as to why you decided that.

You could say, “Well you kept saying they were worthless so I took that as you didn’t like them. I don’t have the heart to tell my mother that so I decided to start eating them. Now if you feel differently then maybe you should show a little graciousness and choose your words a little wiser when you’re talking nonsense about something that someone else is doing FOR YOU.” I had to learn to be vividly transparent with people so I can show them just what their words choices and actions mean.

I’m sorry to say it sounds like you’re going through a similar deal.” Yo_its_Hot_Garbage

Another User Comments:

“Are you a couple? Are you married to this roommate? If you are simply roommates, why on earth would you buy a house together?

You might just as well be married? You should have simply told him that he doesn’t appreciate the “gifts,” so you assumed he wouldn’t care if he didn’t get them. He did sound quite ungrateful, and normally I would just say to move and get a new roommate, but that isn’t possible in your case.

NTJ.” Zestyclose_Gur_8889

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your roommate sounds like a total jerk for being ungrateful and disrespectful toward your mother’s kind gesture. You have every right to enjoy the doughnuts that were technically meant for you, not him. Maybe it’s time to have a serious talk with your roommate about his entitled attitude before things escalate even further.” guydomar11

“We (a couple) share a townhouse with another couple.

Things have been going great and I had a great rapport with my roommates. We signed a lease for 1 year and our lease is up in 2 months. I love this town and would like to live here but this situation has driven a wedge between our relationship as roommates.

​Lately, one of the roommates got a gig as a babysitter/nanny. Things were going great, I was actually happy for her since she had been struggling to find work for a while. From her description, the job was supposed to be going to the client’s house and babysitting while the parents were off to work (typical nanny work), which involved dropping kids, picking up kids from school, etc.

​We value our privacy and are quite an introverted couple, the other couple is as well. The roommate who got the nanny job is very introverted and loves to stay at home, to my thinking I believe this is why she keeps bringing the kids (she is supposed to be babysitting at their home) back to our home (because she loves staying at home, especially in her room).

​Now the problem is we rented this townhouse with the intention of having just 2 couples and having the sense of safety and privacy that we wanted (just us). Lately, she has been bringing the kids every evening (4-7 PM I am thinking she doesn’t want to wait around at the client’s house for the mom to come back).

Her husband works from 5-7 and it might be inconvenient for her since her husband won’t be able to pick her up in time, I even told them I wouldn’t mind going to pick her up at 5 or 6 or whenever she is done with work, to give them the hint that I don’t like the kids showing up at our house every day.

I would come back from work or errands around dinner time or during lunch and find kids in the common area, sometimes quiet, sometimes rowdy. This happens randomly as well, she would bring the kids randomly without informing us. From our perspective, we feel uncomfortable with this since this is our home and we want to be able to feel comfortable and free to roam around our home.

We also have a cat that we have to keep in our room so as to not accidentally scratch the kids (it’s a liability). We feel trapped in our room with the cat when the kids are here and it doesn’t feel like our home anymore.

WIBTJ to confront/tell them that we did not sign up for this and the kids are not allowed? I am a pretty accepting guy, if the kids come visit us once a month or so and we are informed, I would have no issue, but this has become a regular thing (sometimes even sleepover with the kids at our house).

I also have friends over at our townhome but I always tell my roommates in advance and it’s once in a blue moon they show up.”

​Another User Comments:

“NTJ… there are honestly a few ways to go about this, ranging from speaking to the parents of the kids themselves and setting things straight there, all the way to reporting your roommate to the police for willful negligence.

Her job is to house sit and babysit, and I for one would feel extremely uncomfortable if my babysitter (that I’m paying to stay in my house and eat my food) was taking my child to THEIR house for any reason, especially with 3 other adults there that I may or may not know.

That’s inappropriate and I’m sorry to say she isn’t fit for that job if she can’t even be out of her room for more than a few hours.” Practical_Tune_3050

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. It’s a good conversation to have and it’s fair to bring up because you never expected the situation.

You have to choose whether to renew your lease or not, and if this is a scenario you do not want to have to deal with, you can move out – but in fairness to your roommates who have been otherwise great, you should decide soon.

Just be aware of your framing if you want to maintain a friendship with these folks. “We did not sign up for this and the kids are not allowed” is accurate but can be seen as very confrontational. You could probably figure out a way to say it that doesn’t put someone on guard.” Southern-Teaching198

Another User Comments:

“YWNBTJ. This is weird. I’ve taken care of children for several families and NEVER taken the kids to my home when I’m watching them. I wonder how old the kids are…this seems like it would make the job harder. Does she bring all of their toys and stuff too?

I would tell her you didn’t realize she was running an in-home daycare and it needs to end. If those kids get hurt in your home, you may be liable. ” Cold_Lobster2459

“My wife and I bought our house 4 years ago, and when we moved in we had an elderly gentleman who lived next door. He kept to himself and was a good neighbor. Fast forward to two years ago and his granddaughter and her family moved into this house.

She and her partner have 4 kids, with the oldest being 13/14 and ranging down to 5/6. We introduced ourselves and they seemed like nice enough people. After they moved in, we could immediately tell their kids had no respect for our property.

The first incident was playing baseball in their backyard.

We park our cars in our driveway (we don’t have space in the garage to park two cars) and a few times balls flew over and hit our cars. I had a talk with the dad about this and he said he would talk to the kids.

After the talk we still had more baseballs fly over. We ended up hiring someone to put a privacy fence between our yards, hoping that would end it.

The kids then moved to playing in the front yard. Almost every day from March to October, the kids next door as well as a few other kids from across the street (ages 10-15) will play kickball/football/soccer in their front yard.

The problem is, they play in our front yard as well. They don’t just play in their yard and sometimes a ball rolls into our yard; they use our front yard as an extension of their own. This has resulted in them hitting our house multiple times with these different balls.

We spoke again to the parents about this, and we were promised the kids would play at the big community park at the end of our street. That never happened. We’ve also politely asked the kids multiple times to stop playing in the yard, but that did nothing.

With warmer months approaching, we are trying to decide whether or not to get the police involved if this starts back up again. I don’t want to be THAT neighbor, because I understand kids are kids. However, I don’t think it’s unreasonable to ask the 6-8 kids who do this every day to stop.

Am I the jerk for possibly starting what I feel like will inevitably end up becoming a neighbor war?”

Another User Comments:

“INFO: What are you going to ask them to stop doing? Not playing directly in your yard is reasonable. Telling them not to play in their own yard (front or back) and having to deal with a ball rolling into your yard etc is not reasonable.

It happens in neighborhoods and is to be expected. They have a right to play in their own yard and on their own property and a ball is going to roll. Expecting them to only play in the park is ridiculous. Now, the ball hitting the house is an issue that you can complain about but it doesn’t sound like they have caused damage.

The police aren’t going to do anything about anything BUT them playing in your yard directly.” sheramom4

Another User Comments:

“NTJ I’d tell the parents that I’ve been more than reasonable, and that I’m officially trespassing the kids and if they step another foot on my property I’m calling the cops.

If there’s a ball on my property the parents can come and ask for it, but the kids are permanently banned. I don’t know where you live, but I’d follow whatever the official trespass rules are, potentially including a letter of notice.” The_Ghost_Reborn

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You aren’t THAT neighbor, they are. Talk to the parents one more time and make it clear that if their kids don’t stop then the police will be called. They are trespassing and damaging your property. End of asking nicely. Also, put up security cameras.

That way if they continue to come in your yard, you have proof. You will also have proof if anything is damaged. If they want a war over not controlling their kids, then that is on them.” BooCat3

“I’ve been with my husband, ‘Dave’, for a long time, and have known his sister, ‘Mia’ for a long time too. Dave and I have never wanted or been big on children, which Mia was aware of before having children.

Mia had her first kid in 2020.

Dave and I had been spending a fair bit of time with Mia, but about a month before the baby was born, she decided to go into isolation, and we were told they weren’t going to see anybody else, including us, for a while. This isolation lasted most of the first year of the baby’s life.

Dave’s parents moved in with Mia for that time, and wouldn’t see us either per Mia’s request. I know this was hard on Dave, and he went through a pretty rough period that year that his family still has no idea about.

Mia and I are very different people, and she’s not someone I would choose as a friend, but I spent many years putting effort into a friendship with her anyway for Dave’s sake.

When Mia pushed us away after having a baby, I was happy to let that distance grow. I had been struggling with the amount of time we spent with her anyway and found it harder to bite my tongue as our individual values became more concrete in different directions.

When Dave’s family re-emerged into the world, they expected our relationship to pick up where it had left off. Dave and I had spent the last year focused on other relationships, and prioritized time with people who had remained in our lives. We saw them some, but we felt like outsiders.

I know we could have put more effort into reintegrating with them and they would have welcomed us, but time with them had also become boring and frustrating. We used to do fun things with them, and now they just want us to sit on their couch while they parent/talk about their kids (there are two now).

Nobody has called me/us the jerk in this scenario, but it’s clear that Mia thought her children would be the exception to our general indifference to kids. She resents that Dave and I haven’t put more effort into her children, and my in-laws are sad that their ‘kids’ aren’t really friends anymore.

We have gone from (a challenging for me) friendship to having a polite, if distant, family relationship with her. She mostly only contacts me now if she wants something from me. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. It’s okay for you and them to have different paths you want to take, and it sounds like some of that has more to do with who you are than the fact that they have children.

You just don’t have that much in common. Maybe later when the kids are older, they’ll be more interesting to be around for you, and maybe they won’t. I think that if you want to put effort into them, I would do it in a way that allows the family to bond as a whole and not make you responsible for their kids.

Like having a barbecue at the park and inviting them and the parents. Or going to somewhere else where the kids can play while the parents watch and potentially chat about things not necessarily about kids, though the kids will be a major topic of conversation in the family for a long time to come.” corgihuntress

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. They chose to isolate from you and your husband, and also forced that on your husband’s parents. They don’t get to demand your time and attention “RIGHT NOW!” just because they feel like mingling again.  But since it was so hurtful for your husband, it might be a good idea for him to let them know that.

Maybe he could write a letter explaining how much he struggled when THEY decided to group together and isolate from him. Maybe if he describes how much that hurt him, how lonely he felt, being excluded from his nuclear family – who basically re-formed as a family with one child – and since there was no indication of when they might allow him to rejoin his own family – he went out and made a new, chosen family of people who appreciate him.

And Mia’s disappointment of y’all not being more into her kids just reeks of disappointment at not having another set of free babysitters. But since you’ve been cut off from them deliberately I’m not sure how she expected you to bond with them.” Froggie949

“My future husband and I are due to get married this year, have two children, and have been together 8 years.

The ‘wedding’ is mainly an excuse to have a party, it’s not a typical one (no speeches; no sit-down meal, etc).

My future husband’s family is great, however, they come from a very religious background (we’re both atheists) however 99% of them are kind, funny, respectful people who like to keep their opinions to themselves.

One family member spends their time pushing religion on people, as well as being extremely racist and homophobic among other offensive things.

My bridal party is made up of 2 lesbians, who are bringing their partners, and I have POC on my side too.

There are also members of my future husband’s family who cannot be around this person, they upset people, complain about everything (so no doubt will have an abundance of things to complain about at my wedding, mainly not being church service) and have specifically asked if they’re coming as to decide whether they’d come or not.

I’ve told his family we’re not inviting them, and they respected this, but getting closer to the wedding are asking again for us to invite them.

I’ve put my foot down, but I fear my future husband will just give in to keep the peace.

So, AITJ for standing firm on not inviting them?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. It’s your wedding and your guest list. What is more, you’ve given some very good reasons as to why these individuals should not be invited. If your future husband tries to over-rule you (it is his wedding as well, after all), tell him to make it clear to them that you’ll not tolerate any homophobia or racism from those individuals or they will be told (not asked) to leave.” Individual_Ad_9213

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. If you are paying for your ceremony and reception, you decide who is on your guest list and who is not. Your future inlaws are more than welcome to plan and pay for a party/reception to which they can invite anyone they want but given that you will be an invitee you can politely decline because you would rather not be in the same room with those weird family members.” cosmic_jenny

Another User Comments:

“NTJ it’s your wedding you can choose the guests. Have a conversation with your future husband that you don’t want x person there. Tell him you don’t want that person ruining your wedding or making your loved ones or you uncomfortable.

Tell him it’s your wedding as well and you want a good day and that x person being there will ruin it. That they have past behavior of being offensive, homophobic & racist and that you will not tolerate that being around on your big day.

So if he chooses his “need for peace” over your comfortability/boundary then you know where to go from there. It’s his wedding too but it’s clear that even his family doesn’t like x person, and if more important people are pulling out if x person is there then of course you’re going to want that important person over x.” Ok-Coyote-8529

“My brother (30M) and I (31M) are pretty close despite our busy schedules. He is doing his medical residency, so his time is limited. He has been seeing his partner for a year. I am cordial with his partner, but we’re not close.

Recently, my brother also told me his partner is financially draining him.

My brother is financially limited due to his residency. For the last few months, my brother has not been able to pay his rent, which he should be able to. My brother has asked me for a loan to pay his rent. I have loaned my brother almost $6000 in the last three months.

About a week ago, my brother told me he used the money I had loaned him for rent to go on a vacation that his partner planned. His partner made him pay for the entire trip, which was a couple of thousand dollars. I was furious at my brother because I didn’t loan him the money for this purpose.

A couple of weeks ago, my dad told me my brother’s partner called him and my mom to complain about me. My brother’s partner told my parents that I didn’t treat her warmly during Thanksgiving and New Year’s. That was surprising to me because I greeted her kindly during Thanksgiving and New Year’s celebrations at my parents’ house.

She told my parents that she had an issue with me interacting with my youngest brother. She wanted me to interact with her more. She also made an insulting and judgmental remark to my parents about their parenting skills. My parents and I were offended by that statement.

This isn’t the first time that she has made remarks like this.

A couple of months ago, she made a remark to me that my brother didn’t come from a good family, and her family supported and helped my brother achieve his medical school goal. My parents and I took offense to it.

I played it off and told her that we have always been supportive of my brother’s achievements.

I told my brother what she said about our parents and myself, and he disregarded my issues. He doesn’t think she has done anything wrong. I have told my brother that I am still getting to know his partner, but I don’t like the offensive remarks she makes about our family.

My mom wants to talk to my brother’s partner about her behavior, and she wants me to join them for lunch. My mom wants me to apologize to her in order to keep the peace. I don’t feel like I should apologize to her, but I do want to address her regarding the remarks she made about me and the family.

I don’t want to get involved in my brother’s relationship but I don’t want her to make offensive remarks about myself and my family. WIBTJ if I address his partner?”

Another User Comments:

“You won’t be the jerk. But you shouldn’t do this. This should be your brother’s job.

First, it sounds like your brother MAY be expressing things to his partner that he isn’t expressing to you. Perhaps there is an information disconnect here. Second, you need to communicate to your brother that his partner is crossing lines and saying hurtful things. He’s in his residency – he must be exhausted – but this is HIS relationship, not yours.

He should be playing a prime role in the relationship between you and his partner. If he refuses and she continues to be hurtful, set boundaries.” grrlclimber

Another User Comments:

“Your bother’s partner sounds borderline emotionally abusive. She wants you to talk to her rather than him.

It sounds like she wants to isolate him and control what he hears. She is spending his money. He was financially making it, being tight because of his residency until she came along. Who the heck plans a vacation and expects their SO to pay for it all?

She wants you to go through her for communication because you cut off the money. I would try and get your brother alone and tell him of these red flags. You would be the jerk if you addressed the partner. She is the one in control and you will only give her ammo to get your brother to cut off contact with you.

Don’t give her the ammo.” Aggravating-Pain9249

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Don’t apologize. Don’t subsidize your brother either. Try to have a sit-down conversation with your brother. Let him know you love him but you will not support him and his partner. He’s an adult and needs to support himself.

Partner needs to support herself. And that you will not put up with her verbal abuse of you and the family. If she continues it, cut her off. Don’t invite her to anything you host. Ignore her at functions you don’t have control over. If you do choose to go to lunch with your mother and the partner be blunt and honest about how you feel.

Be upfront about what all you have done for your brother, and by extension her. Be clear about what you will and will not do going forward. If she doesn’t like it, too bad for her.” Fearless_Ad1685

“I (22F) recently decided to dye a pink streak into my hair. It made a fun change from my usual look and honestly gave me a boost of confidence. I got some compliments on it that were very sweet, but I’m more focused on how good I feel within myself.

One of my friends “Ella” (23F) is not a fan of my hair. The first time I was out with her after I’d dyed it, she laughed and said I looked like a children’s show host. Honestly, I found that pretty funny, and I don’t take myself very seriously when I don’t think there’s any malice in what’s being said, so I laughed about it too.

However over time it’s become clear she actually doesn’t like it and seems to really want me to know. Every other conversation we have includes a weird, passive-aggressive comment about my hair, many about whether my significant other thinks it’s weird or not. The few times she’s seen him with me, the first thing she comments on is my hair and tries to laugh with him about it, to which he just stands there bemused.

Now, Ella comes from a conservative family, so I do get that she might not know any other people with unnaturally colored hair. But I mean, really? Her endless comments have attracted the attention of our other friends too, and whenever she’s called out just laughs and tells us to take a joke.

I kind of snapped at her the other day about it. Some of us, Ella included, went out for drinks after work. I had my hair up, and the pink bit was clearly visible. The second she saw me, Ella burst out laughing and exclaimed “OMG, what is your hair!” At this point, her comments were clearly not jokes, they were pointed and intended to hurt me.

In as level a voice as I could, I looked her dead in the eye and said “Ella, I didn’t ask your opinion about my hair”.

Her smile immediately faded and she left, blaming me once again for not being able to take a joke.

A couple of friends out with us then said that I’d been a little harsh by calling her out in front of everyone, to which I replied that Ella hadn’t minded doing the same to me. The rest of our friends agreed with me, with one even saying they would’ve spoken out much sooner if they were me.

Ella has ghosted me ever since. I think she was in the wrong for her comments, but were those friends right about me being harsh by calling her out like I did? Should I have been more discreet or something?”

Another User Comments:

“Ella doesn’t seem to have a problem making comments about your hair in public so why should you?

You’ve let all her comments public and private slide off of you for a while now. Enough was enough. If she didn’t want to be slapped down in public she shouldn’t have made public comments. A joke is something funny. She seemed to be the only one laughing at her comments.

So I guess that makes her the joke.” Witty_Salamander_964

Another User Comments:

“NTJ I had a friend that used to go out of her way to make comments on my appearance as well. I had a bigger chest than her, so in my case, it wasn’t something I could even change.

But regardless of that, no one wants to hear that type of back-handed commentary. You let it slide time after time, and you reached your limit. Imo, you weren’t even that harsh. If Ella can’t take it, then she shouldn’t dish it out. As far as I’m concerned, a streak of color in your hair doesn’t change who you are, your personality, and regardless of that, IT’S YOUR BODY.

If Ella ever decides to come around, you can firmly explain your point of view and establish a boundary of keeping unnecessarily rude comments to herself, but if she doesn’t I wouldn’t stress about it so much. I’m no longer friends with the girl who used to make judge-y commentary either, and I feel so much more confident and content.

You don’t need that kind of judgment in your life, friends should love and support you no matter what you look like, because at the end of the day it’s how we treat each other that should really matter. Hope it all works out!” BasicAuthor2786

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Ella is a bully, and sadly a one-trick pony as well. “It’s only a joke” is the first go-to of every jerk who has said something unforgivable. Good job on the slapdown, because she finally got the point. If she’s too childishly upset to talk to you in order to apologize for her behavior, you’re better off NC.

Purple, green, and blue hair here, the full rainbow during Pride. When my father saw it for the first time, he told me it was weird in a very unflattering tone. I gave him a look that would peel paint and calmly told him I was not interested in what he thought of it.

He never mentioned it again. State your boundaries, state them the first time someone puts a toe over them. And enjoy your hair!” RobinFarmwoman

“There is someone in my friend group “Marie” who I consider more of an acquaintance. To be honest, I would not be friends with her on my own, but she is friends with my other friends, so I’m cordial. Marie is very insecure and has thanked us several times for “putting up with her” and letting her be herself because apparently she has cycled through several friend groups already since moving here a few years ago.

Unfortunately, I can see why. For how insecure she is, she also thinks she’s the smartest person in the room at all times and is always interrupting people if she thinks she can share a fun fact that makes her look smart, even if it means “correcting” someone on a joke.

It feels like she is constantly nitpicking and often she will dig in her heels and argue about something that she turns out to be wrong about. She’s also very touchy-feely and likes to give hugs where she basically drapes her whole body over yours, and she gets upset when I am not (ever) in the mood for one of those hugs.

We all got together for a meal this weekend and my entree was a bit spicy. I said I was gonna pour myself a glass of water and Marie starts LOUDLY saying “Noooo don’t drink water, water is actually useless for spice, drink a glass of milk instead!” and then starts going on a long explanation of why milk was better for spice than water.

She absolutely bulldozed over another friend who was in the middle of speaking to say all this, too. I told her that water would be fine and could she please just chill? Marie just wouldn’t drop it and kept saying that milk was better and water wasn’t helpful for spice.

I’m over here like…I didn’t eat a ghost pepper or anything, it’s like a 3/10, can you please relax?

At this point a couple of other people are telling her to just let me drink water, and she’s starting to dig in her heels about how it’s objectively better to drink milk with spicy food, and I finally snap at her and say “Oh my god, would you drop it already?

You complain about how no one likes you for very long, and then you turn around and act very insufferable. Just shut up about the milk, I don’t care.” She breaks down crying pretty much on the spot and the clamor of some people to comfort her and others to be like “I mean…that was harsh but true,” pretty much derailed the whole gathering.

Marie said (through another friend) that she is not going to speak another word to me until I apologize. Our other friends are pretty torn and some are saying that it was too harsh because she’s younger than the rest of us (although we are all in our 20s.) I’m willing to apologize, but I don’t think I’m the only one who did anything wrong here.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ (although I hope this didn’t take place in a restaurant). You said “for how insecure she is, she also thinks she’s the smartest person in the room at all times” and I thought that over and I really think there’s a connection.

If you keep talking over everyone and telling them things they don’t care about, I could see that as a sign of being insecure, if that makes sense. It’s like she has to stand out in this way to keep herself in the group because deep down, she doesn’t feel like she belongs.

The fact that she immediately cried confirms that for me.” TemptingPenguin369

Another User Comments:

“You didn’t do anything wrong. Nobody asked what Marie thought about your beverage choices. You asked Marie to stop telling you to drink milk repeatedly. And Marie did not drop the subject and talked over other people.

So you told her to shut up. It’s too bad other people haven’t told Marie it was time to shut up. Earlier, and more often. If they had, and she had listened, maybe Marie wouldn’t have cycled through so many friend groups in the last few years.

Crying and playing victim to get sympathy because the bad man was mean to her is a limited strategy. Hopefully, your friend group will get sick of her soon, too. NTJ.” YouthNAsia63

Another User Comments:

“Everyone’s a jerk here. You snapped. Understandable given the circumstances, but it was still a jerk move to go for the jugular.

All you needed to do was say (loudly and in a harsh tone if necessary), STOP. You need to drop it. I don’t want to hear about what’s objectively better. I just want some water. It’s NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS AND YOU NEED TO STOP TALKING ABOUT IT.

If she had still kept going, then saying what you said would be more justified. As it was, bringing up her insecurity was over the top. You brought a gun to a fistfight. But she is insufferable. She’s right about dairy being objectively better for spice (fat and sugar bind to the receptors or something like that) but it frankly does not matter if she’s right about the spice issue.

One offhand comment would have been fine (and normal conversation), especially as lots of people aren’t aware dairy helps more than water. But to harp on it over and over and over and talk over other people is just infuriating. She needs to take no for an answer.

And read the room!” Ok_Expression7723

“My bestie since childhood, let’s call her Jenny, has her finances secured. She (35yo) built and made an exit from a business making her insanely rich.

She comes from a very humble background and I can confidently say that she has earned it by working for it.

I come from a pretty average background and have a pretty average job today, so do most of our friends. I don’t miss out on anything and I do have savings, can go on trips, etc.

Her story is a fairytale and we are all super proud of her, but a couple of years ago she was approached by an agency that pushed her to become a public motivational speaker and podcaster.

Since then, she has become increasingly unbearable to be around and I eventually came to the point where I needed to tell her.

Since Jenny got rich she has always been herself, just in a more fancy package and I have loved that for her.

You go girl! She has always been super respectful about other people’s finances and when we meet up she’s always up for whatever the rest of us can afford. Even at her bachelorette party, she made a deal about making sure to do things everyone could afford.

When pursuing her journey as a motivational speaker and podcaster, I had to revisit everything I thought about her. All of her motivational tips were related to not wanting to be an average person and that anyone can become just as rich as her if they weren’t lazy.

In one episode she talks about making sure to surround oneself with successful people to avoid looking at average people as an “acceptable norm”. She even went as far as describing another friend’s husband as her nightmare partner as he “lacks ambition”. She didn’t mention him by name, but other details made us able to identify him.

Over time, this worsened and eventually, other friends stopped inviting her to things. Now the podcast took another turn and she started to talk about how to handle when people turn your back on you for becoming successful and how “lonely it is at the top”.

I decided it was time to tell her I think she’s losing grip of reality and that if she continues with being so judgemental in her podcast she will end up just as lonely as she describes herself to be.

Jenny got super upset at me and told me she wouldn’t expect this from her best friend and claims I have been jealous and felt inferior to her my whole life, which is absolutely not true.

She tells me the whole podcast thing is her playing a part and that she exaggerates her opinions for reach. She thinks I am the one who has convinced all the others to leave her side and wants me to apologize before ever speaking to me again.

Help me here, AITJ? Should I apologize?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. She’s not lonely because she’s at the top, she’s lonely because she has lost all touch with humanity. “She tells me the whole podcast thing is her playing a part and that she exaggerates her opinions for reach.” Not makes up, you understand, just exaggerates.

At some level she believes this stuff.” notforcommentinohgoo

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. She sounds insufferable. I know several folks who are wealthy enough to never have to work again for a single day in their lives but they also happen to be some of the most humble people I know.

Jenny seems like one of those main character syndrome folks who made it to the top of the mountain, so to speak, and now has to yell at the top of her lungs to let everyone know. The problem is that in this metaphor she is also rolling boulders down the hill that affect the lives of those people who are still striving to better themselves.

Apologies if that caffeine-induced metaphor doesn’t quite make sense. Point is, she has done this to herself. She is in the finding out stage of regrettable behavior. Consider not apologizing to her. She is better off learning that her behavior will alienate the friends she had.” BeardManMichael

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I think most everybody in that kinda job has to embellish, right, otherwise who’d be interested in listening? But I think she took it too far and started blurring her own lines by including her own quiet opinions about her friends and then exaggerating them.

Not a good friend. If she can’t see what she did wrong and apologize, then it’s time to step back from her as a friend.” Willow_you_idddiot